I used to write voraciously. When I was in high school and college, I used to write in my Journal almost every night. Never mind that I ranted, complained, or gushed about totally senseless stuff. I wrote because I needed to. It was my way of thinking and clearing my head at the same time.
Recently, I have not written as much. God bless a month that would see two entries in my Journal. In my head, I still incessantly entertain thoughts about what I could write and what I would want to write, but somehow I lacked the willpower to act on those thoughts. Maybe I’ve just been too busy with work. But then again, when I was a student I was busy too, and still I wrote.
I do not like that I don’t get to write as often and as freely anymore. Writing used to give my life such meaning, and it often set things in perspective for me. It was through writing that my thoughts and I became some sort of friends that understood and supported each other. These days, it has felt like I am afraid of my own thoughts, or maybe of finding that I would no longer find meaning through them even as I tried.
Over a week ago, another of my pieces was published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer’s YoungBlood column (you can read more about the column and the first time I was published here). I did not feel as elated or fulfilled as I did the first time a work of mine was published there; in fact—strangely enough—I did not feel anything at all. And it bothered me that I felt that way, because it seemed to me like an indication that I was drifting apart from words.
You know, I’ve never really cared about anything as much as I cared about words and getting them right—I was fascinated with how something so plain and common could convey ideas, emotions, and truths of unparalleled influence. Without constantly replenishing myself with words—those I read and those I write—life does not feel as rich and as worthwhile. Now I feel myself so apart from words, with the current of career demands and personal life problems carrying me further into a dreary world I really do not want to join. And I am desperate for a way to get back.
Now that one hectic semester is ending, maybe I can read and write again. I’ve also just recently noticed that the link to my PsychSpeak pieces is broken, and so I’ve decided to republish those pieces here in my blog because I do not want them to be lost forever:
- Mind Traps: How Your Own Brain Can Sabotage You
- Why You Date Who You Date: Evolutionary Psychology Explains
- Discovering Your Niche: Are You a Fish Trying to Climb a Tree?
- The Jonah Complex: Why You’ll Never Be Your Best Self
- Attachment Theory: Can Your Infant Attachment Style Predict Your Approach to Romantic Relationships?
- When Good People Do Bad Things: The Dark Side in Everyone
- Detecting Deception: A Crash Course on Lie-Spotting
- Memory Marvels: People Who Can’t Forget
- When Others Succeed: Envy and Other Taboo Attitudes
As for this post, I’m not sure how I should end this, even. So I guess I’ll just leave you with this awkward little sentence.