5 Reasons Why You Should Never Date a Psych Major

Image courtesy of Psychology Comedy

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1. They’re crazy. Seriously. I’ve had many people (mostly my students) ask me whether it’s true that going into psychology will eventually make you crazy yourself. I always tell them it’s absolutely not true. See, the truth is, it’s the other way around—you have to already be pretty twisted before you go into psychology.

Image courtesy of The Adventures of Psychology Student Platypus as found on Pinterest

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2. It’s true what you’ve always suspected—they are secretly diagnosing you. They have this little checklist in their heads enumerating the signs and symptoms of the major psychological disorders—schizophrenia, mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and most especially, personality disorders.

You: “Did you hear that?”
Psych major: “Hear what?”
You: “Nothing. I just thought I heard something.”

Inside the psych major’s head:
Auditory hallucinations, check. Just one more evidence of either delusions, disorganized thinking, abnormal motor behavior, or negative symptoms and I am referring this person for probable schizophrenia.

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3. At one point or another, you (or worse, your relationship) will be subjected to a social experiment without your knowledge or consent (after all, most social experiments are rendered invalid if the subject knows they’re being experimented on). They will tell you things for the sake of observing your reactions to them. They will stage an entire event to see whether your reaction confirms the results of a study they just read in The Journal of Social Psychology. They will do things to you just to see if that theory they just learned about truly applies in real life.

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4. They know too much and don’t always use it constructively.

Scenario 1: Their knowledge of ego defense mechanisms and body language can trump what would’ve been a romantic moment.

You: “Honey, flowers for you!”

Psych major: “Why, what’s the occasion?”

You: “Nothing.”

Psych major: “Did you do something wrong to me and are now using undoing as a defense mechanism to try to lessen your guilt for your bad actions? What did you do this time, eh? Did you cheat on me?!?”

You: “No! I just thought—”

Psych major: “Enough! Lies, lies! I know you’re lying, you looked me a little too intensely straight in the eyes there! Ha, typical liar behavior to try to convince me you’re telling the truth by overcompensating on eye contact because you know that I know liars usually avoid eye contact!”

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Scenario 2: See this piece of research to understand the following scenario.

You: “Hey, let’s watch that new horror movie together!”

Psych major: “Are you intentionally trying to subject me to a heightened level of emotional arousal through that horror movie so that I could mistakenly attribute that arousal as something I feel for you and thereby have me think that I am actually attracted to you?”

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5. You may never know whether you truly like or love them out of your own will, or they had just tricked you into falling in love with them through their psychology “witchery.” C’mon, they know things like partial reinforcement schedules and other creepy behaviorist-manipulation stuff, not to mention all the brain science stuff they read while having their morning coffee.

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Image courtesy of Psychology Comedy as found on Pinterest

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Tsk tsk tsk. Beware the witchery of these people.

You have been warned. ♠

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P.S. A moment of silence, please, for all the dates I am never going to have for posting this. haha

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